


A MadMans Soliloquy

by lionsuicide



Series: A MadMans Soliloquy [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Cain, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lucain - Freeform, Mentions of minor characters, Serial Killer Lucifer (Supernatural), Soliloquy, inner monologues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 21:29:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14341287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionsuicide/pseuds/lionsuicide
Summary: The story is told through the eyes of a madman....who, like all of us, believed that he was sane.





	1. Lucifer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iamkathastrophe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamkathastrophe/gifts).



We point the guns at each other.  
  
Our fingers on the triggers.  
  
Our complementing rings shine brightly in the dim light.  
  
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Candy-Cain, we could... fuck.. we could run away together, just you and I. Go somewhere warm and be together. That would be nice right?“  
  
My voice breaks midway through my speech, my words just short of full on begging.  
  
“I don’t want to do this. Please...I...I... ”  
  
I can’t finish my sentence. I don’t really know what I’m asking for anyway.  
  
He’s contemplating my words. Turning them over and over in his head. His arm going lax as he ponders my offer.  
  
He has his adorable thinking face on. In fact if his hand wasn’t holding a gun he probably would have one arm under the other as he strokes his beard.  
  
The small, tiny, hidden voice that rarely speaks up inside my head screams “have hope”.  
  
_Maybe... just maybe he’ll chose me. Maybe he’ll say yes and we can live happily ever after. No law enforcements, no boundaries, no lies. Just ... us. That’s would be nice. Surely he’ll see that we could be happy with each other._  
  
He’s faltering. I can tell because his arm lowers just a bit more.  
  
“You remember all the good times we’ve had? All the love and affection we shared. The love that we made? Do those memories mean nothing to you? Do I... do I mean nothing to you?”  
  
My words fade just a bit at the end.  My voice cracking and stuttering in my desperate attempt to make him see reason.  
  
I take a deep breath to continue my pleading and hope that my words aren’t falling on deaf ears.  
  
“Just say yes. Say yes to me, to us and we can be together. Go south of the border maybe or we could just travel and see the world? You did say you wanted to travel. We could live our lives the way WE want to live it. No family, no police, no rules except for the ones we set ourselves. You and I against the world my love. That’s how it’s been for the last few years,right? We don’t have to change that! Candy-Cain please. Let’s lower our guns and walk out of here. Together. Hand in hand if you want.”    
  
I lower my gun off of him to show him I was serious. I mean him no harm.  
  
His eyes move back in forth rapidly as memories flood his mind. Even now with all the tension in the air I can’t help but to find his odd eye thing endearing.  
  
He hears my words.  
I know he does. Otherwise he wouldn’t be having flashbacks of us.  
I pray to a nonexistent god that he listens to them.  
  
I look around the room as he thinks.  
  
I see the gift I gave to Cain just last year.  
  
It was a black skull, the lower jaw was missing and it had shallow holes on it.  
  
The reason I bought him it was not because I personally love skulls and wanted him to think of me whenever I wasn’t around, but because this rare looking skull had golden bees with diamond wings  scattered about on it, crawling through the honeycomb like holes.

It was beautiful and I think it was a perfect representation of our love.  
  
_I still do._ _  
_  
He loved it.  
  
He loved it a lot and he was very appreciative.  
  
He showed his appreciation to me many, many...  
MANY times that night.  
  
He put it on his mantle right in the middle of all his other knick knacks that he collected over the years.  
  
I take my eyes off the skull and look to the ground.  
I see the pictures of us scattered on the floor.  
  
The song ‘Needs You Now’ quickly flashes through my head before leaving just as fast.  
  
The one that grabs my attention is the one that we took on our second date.  
It was a Polaroid picture of us smiling into the camera.  
We went on a picnic together and he was very adamant about taking the picture.  
He said that’s what couples do.  
They go on dates and they take pictures with each other.  
  
It confused me but I didn’t want to disappoint him so I agreed after giving him just a bit of trouble about it.  
I remember he placed his arm around me and I placed my arm around him and with my other hand I held the camera, held out my arm, smiled widely and snapped a picture of us.  
  
The bright light from the flash blinded me and gave me a headache but I couldn’t be bitter because he wrapped me in his arms fully and kissed me like it was going out of style. He held my face gently in between his hands and kissed me like I was cherished, like I was important, like I was loved...  
His hands gently rubbing up and down my cheeks, his eyes closed up until he’d pulled away to stare at my blushing face, a smile on his face, before kissing my forehead, both cheeks, chin, nose and back to my mouth.  
  
It was tooth rotting sweet and I loved every minute of it.  
  
After the picture was taken and printed I neatly wrote Lucifer and Cain with a tiny heart at the bottom and on the back I wrote March 12th 2015.  
  
The angry voice in my head told me it to enjoy my time with him because the happy times weren’t going to last.  
The only time I ever doubted that voice was when I was with Cain.  
  
I was foolish.  
The voice never lies.  
  
Even after three years that picture was still my favorite.  
  
My heart feels warm and fuzzy and alive when I look at the picture or really any picture of us two having a grand time.  
  
I wonder if he remembers that day as vividly as I do.  
If he remembers the events leading up to ANY of the pictures of us together as vividly as I do.  
  
We were so happy then.  
  
I wish we were happy now.  
  
I zone back to the present when he speaks again.  
  
“I’m sorry Lucifer.”  
  
He uses my name.  
  
He NEVER uses my name.  
  
It’s always Luci-Bear, Luci, Morningstar, or honey bee.  
Sometimes when I really annoyed him he’d grab ahold of my face and squeeze my cheeks together with one hand and whisper into my ear, “I love you my little significant annoyance” before kissing me lightly and pushing me away.  
Every time my heart would melt at his teasing and tenderness.  
I could do no wrong in this man's eyes.  
  
Not once since we’ve started dating has he called me by my given name.  
  
Never called me Lucifer.  
  
My heart breaks.  
  
No that’s too light of a term.  
  
My heart shatters.  
  
Completely disintegrates.  
  
A tear falls from my eye.  
  
He straightens his arm and I do as well, bringing the gun to point at him again.  
  
“I am so.. so sorry Lucifer. This was not how it was supposed to be but knowing what I know now I can’t let you walk out of here. You are to dangerous to walk amongst the world. You have to be put down. I ... I... have to put you down.”  
  
His voice cracking towards the end.  
  
He clears his throat.  
  
He doesn’t want to do this, I tell myself.  
  
_Oh would you look at that! There goes the wind to blow away the ashes of my heart._ _  
_ I think bitterly.  
  
_He loves me. I love him. This is not how our story ends._ _  
_ I think frantically to myself.  
  
The hand not holding the gun comes up to grab my chest.  
Tears fall from my eyes almost blurring my vision of the beautiful man in front of me.  
  
“My love please, I never meant to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I...I... INEEDYOUDAMNIT!”  
I scream to him. Hoping, praying to a god that doesn’t exist that he changes his mind.  
  
I look down slightly to avoid looking into his blank eyes.  
  
Eyes that used to hold so much warmth, love, affection, lust, trust and happiness in them but now hold anger, sorrow, distrust, disgust, and hatred deep within.  
  
It physically hurts to see him look at me like that.  
  
“I need you so much... now more than ever.”  
I whisper mostly to myself.  
  
I know he hears me, he always had sharp ears.  
  
He stays silent, frozen in his stance.  
  
He does not reach for me like he use to.  
He does not offer any kind words.  
He does not smile at me and roll his eyes and tell me to calm down, that everything was going to be fine.  
No.  
  
He just stares and watches me break down in front of him.  
  
_Oh how the mighty has fallen. I’m reduced to nothing but tears and desperation. My parents are rolling in the unmarked graves at this exact moment._ _  
_ _  
_ I look up at him.  
  
I take a deep breath to calm my frazzled nerves.  
  
I utter the words I haven’t said to anyone since my brother died.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“I know.” He mumbles, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.  
  
He offers no returning sentiment.  
  
This is it then.  
  
It’s me or him.  
  
One of us was going to die tonight, the only question being, who?  
  
**_You or him?_ ** **_  
_ **  
Do I let my love of this man take hold and allow him to kill me or do I continue to be the selfish man everyone says I am and kill him?  
  
Do I have the guts to end the life of the one man I can call my equal?  
  
To end the one man I could call upon when the day was bad because I knew no matter what he would instantly brighten my mood.  
  
To end the one man who saw me, the real me even when he didn’t even realize it at the time what he was seeing.  
  
Do I have the balls to harm my knight in black armor?  
  
Do I have the nerve to put him down like vicious dog?  
  
All these questions and no answers.  
  
Our fingers tighten just a bit on our respective triggers.  
  
The louder, angrier voice echoes through my brain  
Howling,  
Screaming,  
Whispering,  
At me to decide.  
I ask what I should do. The voice always knows the right answer but this time he ignores me in favor of repeating his mantra.  
  
The mantra leaves no advice, it is just a question;  
**_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ **

**_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_[CI]Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_YOU OR HIM??_ ** **_  
_ **  
“I don’t know!” I shout clutching my head and pulling my hair my knees threatening to collapse, my breath coming out in fast little bursts.  
  
Cain takes a startled step back.  
  
**_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_..._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or me?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** The voice gets louder, angrier, faster, more hysterical.  
  
There is no control.  
  
**_Kill him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or you?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Kill him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You or him?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Kill him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or you?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Kill him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You or him?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Kill him._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Him or you?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_KILL HIM!_ ** **_  
_ **  
The voice inside my head completely breaks down.  
He screams over and over to end Cain’s life.  
  
To watch him bleed, to watch his life leave his eyes, to watch is body fall limp.  
  
We fight for control.  
  
My body tenses up. Half of me wants to shoot Cain in the heart for causing me this dilemma, to cause him physical pain for causing me mental and emotional pain. The other half wants to let him shoot me because it’s what I deserve. I hurt him and others time after time again.  
I am a monster.  
I am the devil.  
I deserve to die.  
I don’t deserve him.  
  
I’m sure there’s a saying somewhere out there about feeding one of the two alpha wolves inside you.  
  
I am to torn to think of the exact quote but I really can’t find it in myself to care what it is.  
  
All I know is right now those wolves are war and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. I don’t know which side of me will win this battle . The good wolf who loves and adores Cain or the evil wolf who wants everyone and everything including Cain to suffer.  
  
Normally I would just go with the evil wolf just to avoid hearing him shout and growl and curse about being locked away in a cage. It was just easier.  
  
This time though Cain is involved and the good wolf refuses to back down without a fight. Cain is worth the fight my inner good voice says.  
  
Unfortunately the good inside me is not as strong as the evil and the evil voice begins to outshout the  
good.  
  
I can feel myself slipping into a dark place.  
A place I don’t want to go. A place I labeled the cage.  
  
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” I mumble to myself.  
  
“Lucifer?” I vaguely hear.  
  
**_Make...him...BLEED!_ ** **_  
_ **  
“Lucifer are you alright?” Cain’s voice slices through my thoughts.  
  
His voice full of worry.  
  
**_That’s not worry that is fear. He hates you. You are a monster. He hates you. You killed Colette. He HATES you. Kill him._ ** **_  
_ **  
“Nnooooooo!” I scream out pulling my hair harder, my gun lowering in my distraction, Cain’s soothing voice lost in the storm that is my mind.  
  
I take little notice as Cain steps back a few inches in an effort to get away from me.  
  
My thoughts circle around and around and around. A never ending cycle.  
  
They scream at me to pick;  
Do I kill the man I love or do I let him kill me.  
  
**_He’s going to kill you with no regrets. You are a monster to him now. He knows it, you know it. Kill him now and be done with it._ ** **_  
_ **  
The voice is never wrong, but I can’t find it in myself to listen to him, not with this.  
  
I don’t want to listen to it, I can’t listen to it.  
If I do Cain dies, if I don’t I die.  
  
What am I going to do?  
What should I do?  
What can I do?  
  
I’m running out of time.  
I have to choose; him or me? Him or I? In the end one of us is going to die.  
  
“Fuck...” I take a few steps backwards until my back hits the wall hard.  
  
Picture frames of us fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces.  
  
I take no notice.  
  
_Is this what a panic attack feels like?_ _  
_  
**_Panic later, Kill now._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** “LUCIFER!”  Cain’s voice breaks through my muddle, circular, chaotic thoughts not unlike the Sun breaking through the eye of the hurricane.  
  
“Lucifer, enough!”  
  
Just like that my mind quiets down.  
The storm turns into a gentle, soothing downpour.  
  
My body relaxes, at the familiarity that is Cain’s voice.  
  
He uses his dominant voice that always calmed me down in my time of need.  
  
With nothing but a word he could make my fears and uncertainty disappear.  
  
Despite the circumstances now is no different.  
  
_I love you. I love you. I love you. Do you love me?_ _  
_ _  
_ **_You’ll regret this..._ ** **_  
_ ** The evil voice whispers.  
  
The voice fades out and disappears completely.  
  
The other voice has gone silent to.  
  
For the first time since I was a child, I am left by myself inside my head.  
  
_Of course the only person who could possibly break the passengers inside my brain is Cain._ _  
_  
My breathing slows down, my heart stops racing, my tears dry up.  
  
I am left leaning against the wall staring into an empty space on the ground right in front of me.  
  
When I feel as if the pressure is no longer going to consume me I stand up to my full height, release my hair from my death grip, wipe the remaining tears away with my free hand and look him in his eyes.  
  
I can do this.  
  
It’s him or me, things will never be the same.  
  
I can make a choice.  
  
I have to, Cain leaves me with no other option.  
  
I sniffle trying to stop my nose from running.  
  
I hold up my gun and point it at him once more.  
  
This is the most painful thing I have ever had the displeasure of going through.  
  
Either way I go, I lose.  
  
This hurts.  
  
_Not once did he ever lower his gun. Isn’t that a bitch._ _  
_  
My disintegrated heart throbs in pain. How that’s even possible I don’t even know, but it’s true.  
My heart aches at that knowledge.  
  
This is it.  
  
Truly it.  
  
This is the end for one of us.  
  
“I’m sorry it’s come to this.”  
  
“I love you.”  
————————————————————————

 **_Third person POV_ ** **_  
_ **  
A bang echos off the walls, the sound loud in the room.  
  
Absolute quiet accompanies the resulting shot.  
  
Smoke trails after the bullet and up into the air, spiraling around the nozzle of the gun, it seemed playful in way.  
  
He falls to his knees, a look of shock on his face.  
  
Their eyes trail down to his chest where blood is rushing to the surface and soaking his shirt.  
  
In a matter of seconds you could barely tell what color his shirt had been.  
  
He coughs up a bit of blood.  
  
He smiles just a bit as he looks at the other.  
  
“I love you.”  
  
His body falls face forward to the ground.  
  
“Oh god what have I done?”  
  



	2. Cain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be still my beating heart...

We point the guns at each other.   
  
Our fingers on the triggers.   
  
Our complementing rings shine brightly in the dim light.   
  
“It doesn’t have to be this way, Candy-Cain, we could... fuck.. we could run away together, just you and I. Go somewhere warm and be together. That would be nice right?“   


His voice breaks halfway through his speech. His words, his voice begging me to consider his offer, to consider staying with him. Begging me to be with him forever and always.   
  
I want to, God knows how much I want to be with him forever, but I can’t. Not now. Not with all that I know now.   
  
I lived in a blissful state of ignorance a veil covering my eyes until it was ripped off abruptly showing me a world I wasn’t ready for. Showing me a world where my fiancé was knees deep in blood.   
  
“I don’t want to do this. Please...I...I...” his voice trails off, he’s asking for something but I don’t know what.   
  
_Do you even know what you want Luci-Bear?_ _  
_   
The hand that holds his gun trembles slightly.   
  
I feel deep down in my broken heart that what he says could be true. That he’s serious. I want to believe him, truly I do. I want to be able to trust him. I want to be able to love him just as much as I did before.   
  
But I can’t.   
  
_He’s been using you as an alibi. You mean nothing to him. When was the last time he said he loved you? Has he ever said he loved you?_ _  
_ My thoughts turn dark.   
  
_‘Let’s go somewhere warm, you and I.’_ _  
_ Just because he never said it doesn’t mean he never loved me, I tell myself.   
  
I let my arm relax for a moment as I think.   
  
I know it’s a dumb thing to do because I have no idea of Luci’s real intentions, if he’s being sincere or if this is a trap, but it’s easy to fall into old habits, easy to trusting him.   
  
My body is stiff as I think.   
I want to do my (poorly named by Luci) Thinking Beard Pose where I cross my arms and rub my beard like an evil villain as I lose myself to my thoughts.   
  
Given the situation, along with the gun in my hand, I can’t do that.   
  
_He’s lied to you. You can’t trust him. Your years together were fake. He hid things from you. He is a murderer, a killer, a danger to society, a danger to you._ _  
_ _  
_ I flinch slightly from my own thoughts.   
  
Killer. The man I’m in love with is a murderer.   
He’s killed people. Lots of people. I’m not sure if the exact amount of numbers but it’s definitely at minimum in the teens if research is to be believed.   
  
My chest aches. The tiny cracks in my heart wrap around the organ threatening to fall apart at any moment.   
  
I tried to understand at first. I thought maybe he was like Dexter. Thought, hoped, prayed he was like Dexter and had a reason behind his murders. I wanted to justify the wrongs he committed.   
  
Alas no such luck. The people he killed, those men and women were innocent.   
  
My arm, despite my misgivings and insecurities,  lowers more the deeper into my thoughts I go.   
  
I can feel his eyes on me, watching my reaction.   
_Waiting for a slip in my armor so he can make his move to kill me?_ _  
_   
I wanted to ask him.   
See why he did it.   
What compelled him to commit the heinous act of murder?   
What made him choose his victims?   
Did he kill Collette?   
I don’t though: Fear making my throat close up and remain silent. Not fear for my well being. I long since gave up on caring about myself. Fear of the unknown answers, fear of hearing him tell the truth or even worse him telling a lie.   
**_Fear of losing him._ ** **_  
_ ** The tiny voice echoes in my head before fading away.   
  
How can I trust anything that comes out of his mouth?   
How can I look him in the face and not grow angry because he acts as if the other night he didn’t just go out and cut up a whore.   
How am I supposed to pretend that everything is fine when all I see, all I feel is betrayal, distrust, and anger towards than man I know nothing about.   
  
_That’s not true. You know him, just as much as he knows you. He lied about his one extra curricular activity, so what? You still love him. He loves you._ _  
_   
The voice needs to pick a side. Is it with me or against me because this was getting confusing.   
  
I hear Luci speaking and zone back into reality.   
  
“...the love we made? Do those memories mean nothing to you? Do I... Do I mean nothing to you?”   
  
I can hear him holding back tears, his voice trembling, cracking in attempt to hold back a sob.   
  
_You mean the fucking world to me. I love you more than anything. However, I can no longer trust you._ _  
_ _  
_ He takes a deep breath. I prepare myself for whatever he’s about to say.   
  
“Just say yes. Yes to me, to us and we can be together.”   
Hope flares in my gut despite my efforts to stomp it down.   
“Go south maybe or we could travel and see the world? You did say you wanted travel. We could live our lives the way WE want to live it. No family, no police, no...”   
  
A bucket of ice cold water falls onto me; Dread, anger, sadness, helplessness and disappointment runs through my body.   
  
The words ‘no police’ bouncing around my mind, echoing of the walls of my brain.   
  
Of course. How could I have been so stupid.   
He doesn’t need me, he doesn’t want me.   
I have the money. I have the funds to get him out of the states where he could be tried and executed.   
  
He’s using me.   
  
This isn’t about us... never has been. It’s always about him.   
  
Right?   
  
I can’t even answer my own question.   
  
I hate the feeling of uncertainty. I am always so sure in the things I want, the things I need, and the knowledge of important things.   
  
Only this angel can knock my world off its axis.   
  
I could turn him in. In hindsight I should have turned him in a long time ago. I could have saved many lives that way.   
  
I didn’t though, I still don’t.   
  
Report him that is.   
  
He would be punished for his crimes.   
  
The only decision the court would have to make would be to give him the chair or the needle.   
  
Something stops me from dialing 911 and giving all the information to them and letting them handle it.   
  
It just doesn’t seem right to turn him over to the law enforcements. The chair or even the needle would be to good for him.   
  
He treated those innocent people like animals. Kidnapped them, chased them, killed them.   
  
If he was going to die it was going to be brutal.   
  
_Not to mention you don’t want anyone to touch the man you can’t live without._ _  
_   
He lowers his gun.   
  
I don’t know what he says but he’s looking at me expectantly.   
  
His eyes honest, bright, filled with love and hope.   
  
It was sickening.   
  
How could he play me like a fool.   
  
_Why do I let him?_ _  
_   
I could shoot him now.   
  
He’s defenseless in a way.   
  
My gun is still fixated on him.   
  
I could end it all and walk away, set the building on fire to hide my track and go live in that cottage in the woods my brother owned before he disappeared.   
  
_Did Lucifer kill my brother?_ _  
_   
Something holds me back.   
  
Unwanted memories flood my mind. Nothing stands out in them. Just vague thoughts of the things we did.   
  
However the feelings I associate with each vague memory is real.   
  
It’s as if it happened yesterday.   
  
The first time we met was filled with anger and hatred. I don’t remember the why we were so angry but it led to a few broken bones for both of us.   
  
Our first kiss was filled with nervous energy. We both were new to the whole dating scene. My wife had just up and left and Lucifer was there to pick up the pieces. We were still only just beginning our friendship as well. We were playing on thin ice.   
  
Our first date was full with awkward silences and stunted conversations. The ice we skated on was a bit thicker but still too dangerous to have complete fun on. We were wary of one another that’s for sure.   
  
Our first time was fumbling hands, bruised faces, tears, sweat, and blood.   
Who knew he didn’t have any experience once so ever with carnal pleasures.   
  
I hate him for making me feel this way.   
I hate him for making me hesitate.   
I hate that I love him so much.   
  
When did he work his vines around my heart?   
When did I become so entangled in his web?   
How did I fall so easily for this wolf in sheeps clothing?   
Shame on me I suppose.   
Everyone knows that the devil was once an angel and I didn’t fall into his trap. Oh no. I leaped head first into the abyss that is his love, his desire, his game.   
  
I look at my fallen angel and I see him with a hint of a smile, staring at the ground.   
He was staring at the pictures that litter the floor.   
  
How dare he! He mocks me.   
  
Why must he continue to lie?   
Why does he keep up this pitiful act?   
Why does he continue to torture me and why do I let him?   
  
I want him to suffer.   
I want him to feel what I feel.   
Pain, humiliation, despair, anguish, fear to name a few emotions.   
  
I do something I know will cut him deep, even if he acts like nothing is wrong.   
  
“I’m sorry Lucifer.”   
  
I call him by his first name.   
  
I know he’s not fond of his name, so I always gave him a nickname.   
Luci-bear, Luce, honey bee, Little Lion, young prince, angel, anything other than his name.   
  
The resulting gasp shakes me to my core. The tiny cracks in my heart grow larger.   
  
I can see it in his face.   
I just ripped out his heart, stomped on it, picked it back up, threw it against the wall and watched it slide down into a trash can.   
  
I thought seeing him in pain would make me feel better.   
  
It does not.   
  
A tear falls from his eye.   
  
The cracks stretch further around my heart.   
  
I raise the gun and point it directly at him.   
  
“I am so...so sorry Lucifer.” I emphasize his name once more.   
  
“This was not how it was supposed to be,” we were supposed to get married, adopt a child and live happily ever after, “but knowing what I know now I can’t let you walk out of here.” This is painful. I’m falling apart. I wonder if he can see how broken I really am. “You are to dangerous to walk amongst the world.” I’m sorry my love, please forgive me. “You have to be put down. I...” Fuck I am so sorry “” I...have to put you down.”   
  
I rush out the last bit of the sentence hoping he doesn’t hear the hesitation in my words.   
  
I clear my throat in hopes to regain some semblances of control.   
  
I stare into his face.   
Even now I can’t help but notice his beauty.   
God he’s gorgeous.   
The tears fall, his breath is heavy, his face red and blotchy, and his nose runs like a faucet but none of that matters.   
He’s beautiful.   
  
Is this really how our story ends?   
  
His hand goes up to clutch his chest.   
He claws at his shirt as if he’s suffering a heart attack.   
  
“My love Please, I never meant to hurt you,” Then why’d you do it? “I don’t want to hurt you,” Too late my Prince. “I...I...INEEDYOUDAMNIT!”   
He screams, startling me from the suddenness.   
  
I look at him, I try to meet his eyes but he refuses to look.   
  
_Luci please don’t lie to me anymore. You never needed anyone. Not you mother, your father, your brothers, your sister, friends, not even me._ _  
_   
“I need you so much... now more than ever.”   
  
_Look at me damnit and know that I love you even with this barrier between us. Know that I need you to._ _  
_   
It takes all the willpower in my body not to run up to him and pull him close. To not follow my instincts and wrap him in my arms. To comfort him any way I can.   
The need to sooth my lover is strong but the betrayal is fresh on my mind and dims the need enough so I can remain standing in my spot, my arm poised in shooting position.   
  
I want to tell him that I love him. I want to take him in my arms and rub his back while he cries into my chest.   
I want to kiss his forehead and whisper everything is going to be fine, we were going to be fine.   
  
Instead I stare as he falls apart.   
  
My Little Lion can barely hold himself up.   
  
Finally he looks up into my eyes.   
  
I don’t know what he sees but I can tell he doesn’t like it.   
  
“I love you.”   
  
My world shatters like a mirror.   
Volcanoes erupt.   
The earth crumbles at my feet.   
  
Years.   
We’ve been together for years and not once has he ever said he loved me, hell nothing even close to the phrase I love you was uttered from those gorgeous lips.   
  
“I know.”   
Tears well up in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I refuse to show him weakness.   
  
One of us has to die tonight and I have no intentions of being on the receiving end of the bullet.   
  
Right?   
  
Just like that switch flips on inside if Lucifer.   
His body convulses.   
Tears fall faster from his eyes making me question if he can even see me at this point.   
He mumbles to himself but I cannot make out the words.   
  
Both hands are clutching his hair. His finger still on the trigger of the gun.   
  
Panic surges through my body.   
He could potentially shoot himself.   
That would be good though.   
Right?   
I shouldn’t care if he accidentally pulls the trigger.   
_But you do care._ _  
_ His pained whimpering brings me out of my head.   
  
_Comfort him, call him, protect him. Your beating heart is suffering. Calm him down and all will be right with the world._ _  
_   
“I don’t know,” he shouts out startling me.   
I quickly take a step back.   
Who is he talking to? What doesn’t he know?   
He’s having a panic attack.   
  
I need to do something.   
  
I lower my gun and step towards him.   
  
“Luci?”   
No verbal response.   
His body tenses up though.   
  
“Be still my beating heart, you have to calm down. Everything is going to be ok. Luci-bear can you hear me?”   
His hand grips the gun tighter his finger applying more pressure to the trigger, his body shuddering violently.   
  
“I am a monster, I am the devil, I deserve to die, I don’t deserve him.” He whispers loud enough for me to hear.   
He mumbles it over and over and over again.   
  
I feel helpless.   
  
I have seen him on his bad days but this was rock bottom.   
  
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” He mumbles just bit louder his voice becoming hysterical towards the end.   
  
“No what my Prince?” I question half hoping he answers me, half hoping he doesn’t.   
  
Fuck this is way out of my comfort zone.   
  
“Lucifer?” I call louder than the other times.   
His shaking calms just a bit.   
I take a few steps closer to him, gun at my side.   
I try to keep the worry out of my voice but I fail miserably.   
  
“Lucifer are you alright?”   
  
Of course he’s not alright. Cain you are an idiot.   
  
A moment of silence.   
  
I count the seconds.   
  
_One_ _  
_ _Two_ _  
_ _Three_ _  
_ _Four_ _  
_ _Five_ _  
_ _Six_ _  
_ _Seven_ _  
_ _Eight_ _  
_ _Nine_ _  
_ _Ten_ _  
_ _Eleven_ _  
_ _Twelve_ _  
_ _Thirteen_ _  
_   
“Nnooooooo!” He screams causing me to stumble backwards gun rising up to aim at his chest.   
[IMG=X0L]   
He removes his hand with the gun from his head.   
  
I could shoot him.   
I could end both our suffering right here, right now.   
Like before something holds me back.   
There’s something decidedly wrong about shooting a man who can’t defend himself.   
  
Not that that stopped him but I can think on that later.   
  
What am I supposed to do?   
What should I do?   
What can I do?   
“Fuck...” He whimpers, walking backwards until he hits the wall hard.   
  
The sound of breaking glass breaks through my conflicted thoughts.   
  
I can’t kill him like this. That would be cruel and I am not a cruel person.   
  
Ignoring the voice saying that was I was stalling for time to avoid the inevitable, I dig deep into my memories, what was something that always made him listen to me?   
  
It only take a few moments but I figure it out.   
  
I didn’t want to use my dominant bedroom voice but it’s my last resort.   
  
“LUCIFER.” I shout.   


His body freezes. His face turns towards me.   
  
“Lucifer enough.”   
  
I can see the switch turn off.   
His body relaxes.   
He’s familiar with my voice. My voice soothes him, keeps him grounded.   
  
His eyes look at me in wonder, breathing deeply in an attempt to shake off his breakdown.   
  
_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you._ _  
_   
Some time passes before he is calm enough to stand up to his full height.   
  
Not once do I lower my gun.   
  
When he stands up he wipes away the tears that didn’t dry up on his face.   
  
He squares his shoulders and raises his gun at me.   
  
It is him or me.   
  
Whatever happens now is up to fate.   
  
The time for worrying is over, the time for love has passed.   
  
Not matter the outcome of this battle I lose either way.   
  
I don’t want to do this, but I have to.   
  
This is it.   
  
Truly it.   
  
This is the end for one of us.   
  
“I’m sorry it’s come to this.”   
  
“I love you.”   
————————————————————————   


**_Third person POV_ ** **_  
_ **   
A bang echos off the walls, the sound loud in the room.   
  
Absolute quiet accompanies the resulting shot.   
  
Smoke trails after the bullet and up into the air, spiraling around the nozzle of the gun, it seemed playful in way.   
  
He falls to his knees, a look of shock on his face.   
  
Their eyes trail down to his chest where blood is rushing to the surface and soaking his shirt.   
  
In a matter of seconds you could barely tell what color his shirt had been.   
  
He coughs up a bit of blood.   
  
He smiles just a bit as he looks at the other.   
  
“I love you.”   
  
His body falls face forward to the ground.   
  
“Oh god what have I done?”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Cain’s POV! 
> 
> Personally I don’t think it’s as good as Lucifer’s POV but it’s something? 
> 
> I’ve never wrote the same story from two different perspectives so this was a challenge. I’m away I’m happy with how it turned out because you see things you don’t see in Lucifer’s POV. In the other way I feel like this one isn’t as interesting as the other one because Lucifer has deep dark issues, Cain does not so I feel like it’s not as emotional or fast pace as Lucifer’s story. 
> 
>  
> 
> Not much to be done with it!

**Author's Note:**

> This open ended.  
> I don’t tell you who shot who on purpose! I want to hear your thoughts on who shot who and why?  
> I want to here your theories.  
> Did Lucifer shoot Cain or did Cain shoot Lucifer?Why? Feel free to be descriptive. 
> 
> I of course know who really did the ghastly deed but that’s for me and not for you.


End file.
